How to Pleasure Your G-spot
The G-spot: What is it?
The Gräfenberg spot or G-spot was discovered by Ernst Gräfenberg a German gynecologist who first described it as “an erotic zone located on the anterior wall of the vagina along the course of the urethra that would swell during sexual stimulation.” The area the G-spot occupies is called the urethral sponge and it is tissue that surrounds the urethra (the tube we pee out of) that swells with fluid during sexual arousal. It is associated with the prostate gland in men and is made up of a complex system of erectile tissue, secretion glands (the Skene’s gland), the internal pelvic nerve and muscles that engage with one another during the arousal cycle. In most women it is sensitive to pressure and stimulation which can lead to high levels of sexual arousal and powerful orgasms. The existence of a G-spot has been widely accepted and most popular sexology books treat it as fact. In one study of female ejaculation, 84% of the approximately 1300 professional women who responded reported a sensitive area in the vagina, and this was correlated with those who also reported ejaculation.
Where is the G-spot?
The G-spot has remained elusive in the past because in its sexually un-stimulated state, it is relatively small and difficult to locate, especially since it is internal and you can’t see it like the clitoris. It can be found inside the vagina about 1-2 inches deep with your fingers by feeling around the front wall or roof of the vagina, just behind the pelvic bone. There, a wrinkly, prune-like tissue (the urethral sponge) will swell with fluid when aroused via firm, deep pressure, thus making it noticeable to touch.
How to find it?
The best way to find the G-spot is through sexual play and experimentation with your partner or by yourself. When exploring solo make sure to get into a comfortable position on your bed or in a comfy chair, half-sitting with you back curled, your thighs apart, and your knees bent up towards you, so you can easily reach it. Since it only reveals itself when women are very turned-on, other forms of sexual stimulation and foreplay are encouraged before-hand. Once you become very aroused, you or your partner may then explore the internal vaginal wall (1-2 inches deep) and find the erectile tissue that will feel bumpy and more swollen than the surrounding smooth tissue. It is best to use your fingers for exploration at first by inserting 1-2 fingers and curling them in a “come-hither” motion that strokes the G-spot area. If you have long nails it is best to trim them short before exploration to avoid scratching the delicate inner tissues, or wear gloves. In some women, the G-spot can be as large around as an apricot, but in others it may be as small as a cherry. You’ll know when you hit the G-spot by the distinctive sensation it creates. Stimulating it may give you a rush of pleasure, or make you want to pee.
How to stimulate it?
Every woman’s response to sexual stimulation and sensitivity is different. Sensitivity may also vary at different times of the month. Just like some women enjoy direct stimulation to the clitoris while others do not, the same goes for the G-spot. The best way to find out how to stimulate it is to explore what feels good to you. To begin with, make sure you are already sexually stimulated by other means. Once you are warmed up, you can begin exploring your G-spot.
You should give yourself lots of time for this exploration and make sure you won’t have any disturbances. So turn off the phone, lock the door and get comfortable. Deborah Sundahl, author of “Female Ejaculation and the G-spot” recommends sitting in front of a full length mirror and a flashlight, so you can not only feel, but see your G-spot as well, once it becomes aroused. Also, make sure you have a big absorbent towel under you or a sex blanket like the Liberator Throe to absorb ejaculate. It is also a good idea, to empty your bladder before attempting G-spot stimulation, orgasm and female ejaculation.
Here are her Steps to Stimulating Your G-spot and Ejaculating
- Breathe deeply and relax. Being relaxed is an important part of creating G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation. Begin squeezing your PC muscles and imagining that you’re G-spot is swelling and becoming aroused. Slowly stroke your vulva, clitoris, urethra and vaginal opening.
- Insert a lubed up finger or two into your vagina and begin feel where your G-spot is. Feel the wrinkly spot in the middle, the two grooves on both sides and the tail at the back. Breathe deeply as your gently squeeze your G-spot with your fingers to stimulate the prostate gland to produce ejaculate fluid.
- Apply gentle but firm pressure. The G-spot responds best to very firm pressure. Press all around the G-spot, feeling around, moving slowly. Notice the difference in how each touch feels, whether you feel numbness or erotic sensation. Try different types of strokes and varying types of pressure to see what feels best. Circular or back and forth stroking feels good to most women. Some women enjoy vigorous penetration and will thrust their pelvis up to meet and position the thrusts to their best advantage. Usually, most women find that a deep, firm pressure is needed to arouse the G-spot. Some women will prefer stimulation around the G-spot, but not directly upon it. You can also use various G-spot sex toys that are designed especially for G-spot stimulation. The strength of a woman’s PC muscles is directly related to her ability to reach orgasm through intercourse; therefore stronger PC muscles will promote stronger G-spot orgasms, and easier arousal of this zone.
- If you feel like you have to pee, that is good. Don’t tense up and keep going with what feels good. Remember to breathe deep and relax. Continue to pump your PC muscles to stimulate the entire region.
- Try slow circular movements while keeping the pressure firm. Notice as your G-spot begins to swell.
- Build erotic arousal as you continue to press, rub, squeeze and massage your G-spot. Continue to breathe slow and deep, clenching and releasing your PC muscles with each breath. Build the erotic feeling so it is full and ripe. You can switch to a G-spot toy here if you like, or continue using your fingers.
- Once your G-spot is swollen and engorged, you can now try to ejaculate. Build this to a level of arousal at which you feel you are about to orgasm. You may feel “ejaculation rockets” (streaks of pleasure) shooting down your thighs and you will most likely have the urge to pee. Continue to relax, breathe deep, and squeeze and release your PC muscles and you continue to massage your G-spot.
- Practice pushing out the ejaculate. Stimulate your G-spot as your raise your buttocks off the floor, and firmly pushing OUT with your PC muscles. Hold. Stop. Then continue massaging. Repeat the PUSH-HOLD-RELAX-STIMULATE until you a craving climax. If you are very aroused, you feel you need to pee, and your G-spot is very swollen you are ready to ejaculate.
- Lay back and stimulate your G-spot then take you finger (or toy) out and immediately push out as if to pee. If you ejaculate great. You can keep this going by pushing in with your finger again, the remove finger and push out with your PC muscles. Continue ejaculating until you are fulfilled, or can’t produce any more.
If you tried this method and didn’t ejaculate or orgasm, don’t worry. Many women can’t do it the first time they try. If your PC muscles are weak, you may have a hard time ejaculating. Luckily, you can do kegel exercises to strengthen them and there are a lot of great products available that can aid you. Sometimes women will also tense up and try to hold back the feeling that they need to pee. You have to go with the feeling of having to pee and not fight it. There also may be many other reasons why you can’t ejaculate at this time and I recommend reading “Female Ejaculation and the G-spot” to educate yourself more. Also, be sure to continue to practice as practice does make perfect.
What does it feel like?
Again, sexual response will be different in every woman. The G-spot is not a magic button that can be pressed and simply produce mind-blowing orgasms (at least in most women). Some women will feel little or nothing. Others may feel uncomfortable like they have to pee. Many women feel a powerful urge to “bear down”, the same sensation of pushing when delivering a baby. Still, some will experience deep, intense orgasms that are distinctly different to clitoral orgasms altogether. Stages of arousal will vary from woman to woman and will depend on many factors including:
- The time of the month. G-spot arousal will vary during different times of the month and from day to day.
- What kind of mood you are in and how sexually aroused you are. Most women need to be pre-stimulated to enjoy G-spot arousal. Also, the more relaxed you feel the easier it will be to arouse the G-spot. Full body massage and/or vulva massage are great ways to get you in the mood.
- How comfortable you feel about sex and G-spot arousal in general. Some people will have misgivings about their G-spot. Does it really exist? How come I’ve never felt it before? Deborah Sundahl—an expert in G-spot stimulation—maintains that some women have difficulty finding their G-spot because “we have been told for over 400 years that the female prostate doesn’t exist; that it is shriveled up and non-functioning. If you are told by every corner of society that something doesn’t exist, you tend to believe it…” She also attributes G-spot numbing to the fact that we as a society don’t take time to explore the pleasures of our bodies or the sexual act as we race towards climax. Also, many people still feel uncomfortable about their sexuality or feel guilt at self-pleasure because of long-standing social stigmas surrounding sex and masturbation. Deborah furthermore attributes emotional and sexual abuse to women’s inability “to feel pleasure.”
- Some women may find the feeling of having to urinate that is usually activated by G-spot stimulation uncomfortable. Remember that your G-spot is close to your bladder and associated with the male prostrate that is responsible for male ejaculation, so some women will experience female ejaculation from G-spot stimulation. We have been taught from young children not to “pee the bed” so this response to sexual stimulation may feel unnatural or make you embarrassed. There is nothing to feel embarrassed about, however, as this is a natural response and if it happens to you it can be extremely pleasurable if you allow yourself to let yourself go over the edge.
- The first time is not always a charm. You may not feel G-spot stimulation the first time you try to explore it. Perhaps you are too nervous or expecting too much. Sometimes if you are too goal-orientated (wanting to experience female ejaculation and mind-blowing orgasms from the start) it may dilute the experience of sexual exploration for you. It is important to remember that it is the journey, not the destination that is important when exploring the G-spot.
- Finally, some women will not enjoy G-spot stimulation. While some women enjoy vaginal penetration, others enjoy clitoral stimulation. Everyone is different. What is important is that you took the time to explore your body and learn more about your sexual response. It is important to remember that the G-spot is just another part of the female human anatomy. You need not feel pressure to try to enjoy it if you don’t or shame because you don’t respond to it as you think you should. The G-spot has been over-hyped in today’s media and stimulating it doesn’t send every woman to the moon.
The G-spot and Orgasm
Often during stimulation, the G-spot will become increasingly sensitive and many women feel a building euphoria and elevated arousal. Some women will enjoy deep, firm thrusting, while others may want to use clitoral stimulation to enhance the G-spot experience. As this euphoric sensation and the sexual energy of climax continues, you may feel as though you are going to burst. This is the time to let yourself plunge over the edge of sexual ecstasy and experience a G-spot orgasm.
Some G-spot orgasms with feel like a roar of sexual energy that is experienced as a deep, full-body quaking and total sexual release. Others are like a rippling effect that sends waves of pleasure tingling through you. G-spot orgasms can last longer than clitoral orgasms, with longer, deeper contractions and/or multiple contractions. Many women note that a G-spot orgasm comes after a series of smaller orgasms, when they are at the ultimate peak of arousal. To some women, G-spot orgasms are more powerful than any other type they have ever experienced. Not all women will experience female ejaculation (or notice it) with G-spot orgasm and ejaculation may not happen every time. All women have a Skene’s gland however and are capable of ejaculation.
To some women, the G-spot is an erogenous zone that offers intense sexual pleasure and can lead to female ejaculation. Most women will feel the urge to pee when their G-spot is stimulated. As previously noted, this is because the G-spot is analogous to the male prostate and ejaculation in men. Women have what is called the Skene’s gland, which is like the male prostate and is responsible for female ejaculation. Female ejaculate comes from these glands and is expelled from two paraurethral ducts on either side of the urethra, or directly through the urethra. G-spot arousal may feel like a building of pressure as the G-spot and area swells with blood and fluid. This can be very unsettling at first and may make you want to abandon your mission. Some women may try to suppress their sexual response to avoid ejaculating. However, once you get over this strange sensation and allow it to simply happen, you will most likely enjoy a G-spot orgasm and perhaps even female ejaculation.
Some people in the medical community have denied the fact that both G-spot orgasms and female ejaculations do occur and have mistaken female squirting as urinary incontinence. However, there have been conclusive studies that prove the existence of both the G-spot and female ejaculation. Most women cannot ejaculate on command. For many women, G-spot ejaculation the first time is often a fluke and comes as a complete surprise. Some women only experience a few drops to a teaspoon of ejaculate fluid, while others may experience up to two quarts of fluid along with explosive gushes and squirting, sometimes up to several feet. Sometimes the ejaculation will occur multiple times during orgasm as well. 54-60% (reportedly) of women have experienced emission of fluid at orgasm. Also, some women can ejaculate with clitoral stimulation only or no stimulation what-so-ever. Like sexual preferences, every woman’s response to G-spot stimulation is different.
When trying to experience ejaculation, try to relax your body and your PC muscles. Relaxing will allow you to go with the flow and peak over the edge to orgasm. Sexologist Annie Sprinkle maintains that deep breathing, clenching and unclenching the PC muscles, as well as loud moaning will allow you to experience a deeper body orgasm and along with G-spot stimulation brings about ejaculation more easily. If you feel the urge to ejaculate, pushing out with the PC muscles may help to make you squirt as well. It is also important to maintain good PC health. Your PC muscles are what support your pelvis. You can feel them by stopping your urine midstream. You can keep you PC muscles healthy and strong by doing regular kegel exercises with kegel exercisers like Smart Balls by Fun Factory [review], Luna Beads by Lelo [review] or Natural Contour’s Energie [review]. Strong PC muscles aid in G-spot arousal, orgasm and female ejaculation.
Female ejaculate is not pee either. Analysis of female ejaculate has shown that it is distinct from urine and contains high levels of the enzyme prostatic acid phosphatase (PSA), glucose and fructose (all found in the prostate fluid of semen). Female ejaculate does not look, smell or taste like urine. It has the same consistency as water and is a clear or milky, usually odorless (although sometimes musky) smelling fluid that can be slightly sweet due to the sugar (glucose/fructose) content and alkaline. As with semen, female ejaculate will smell and taste different depending on the person and what you eat.
Sometimes stimulating the G-spot can lead to negative effects in some women. The G-spot is a highly sensitive area and some women can experience irritation, pain or infection. This can be especially true of virgins or women with tense PC muscles. To avoid infection and irritation women should drink plenty of water before and after G-spot stimulation, especially if prone to urinary tract infections. Also, emptying the bladder before and after is also important. Cranberry juice is also effective in fighting the bacteria that causes infections. Be careful of how much pressure you apply during stimulation and work up to it slowly. Make sure to use only clean toys and clean hands or gloves. Make sure that fingernails are cut short to avoid breaking the skin.
Deborah Sundahl also notes that trauma (emotional and physical) can be stored in various places in the body including the G-spot and cause blockages in energy which is referred to as “body armoring”. This can make G-spot exploration overly sensitive, numbing, or even painful to some women. Sundahl recommends treatment for women who experience pain or emotional trauma during G-spot exploration with a qualified sex “body” worker. Again, please refer to her book: “Female Ejaculation and the G-spot” for more information on this.
Next week’s Article- Kegel Exercises for Vaginal Health