Sex Toys: The Strange, the Bad and the Ugly

Within the last week, sex bloggers have been posting various lists of scary, crappy, strange, ugly and all around BAD sex toys.  The ones NOT to buy.

From the Accidental Blowjob we have the Bad List:

“So busy discussing what sex toys and adult toys are good that some of us forget to make lists of those vibrators, dildos, and other sex toys we should avoid. This is a financial thing, a performance thing, and a general dislike thing. Yes, it is a thing, the wrench in myism.

Here are the top ten toys that made my Shameful Sex Toys List:

10. Vibro-Pod 9. Mini-Vibro Dolphin 8. Ruby Slipper 7. Smooth Tool 6. Booty Balls

5. Waterproof Clitoral Hummer 4. Sensual Bath Buddy 3. Sila-Gel Dil

2. Heart Shaped Four-Way 1. Love Bug”

Here are a few of their cool alternatives:

the Berry Delight, the Pocket Rocket Booster, the fantastic Twist, the Flexi Felix & the Miracle Massager

See my review of the Miracle Massager.

From Violet Blue at Tiny Nibbles comes “scary sex toys are really scary” and this very creepy list:

“the Concubine Masturbator, the vagina-feet, a “sexual cushion and doll, the Tentacle, the Thor, the Ghost,

as well as this Flickr set of horrifying sex toys and Gizmodo’s weird sex toys.”

So I had some tome to kill and came up with my own list of BIZARRE SEX TOYS:

1. the FU Vibe

fucku

Okay, so I know a few people I can give this to.

2. EZ Rider

This is a bouncing ball with a dildo.  Well, this would certainly add some excitement to my Pilates routine.

3. The Titan Dildo measures 12in in circumference, 3.5in in width and 17in in length from top to bottom. ’nuff said.

4. The Realistic Full Size Horse Penis

I think I saw the horse that they made the mold from this one on Sable Island.

5. The Pogo Stick Fucking Machine

Hey, I’ll try anything once???

6. Papaya Vibe

vibe-8

Finally, a healthy alternative to phthalates!

7. The Toolbox Fucking Machine

For the man in your life who has too many tools?  Or perhaps he is a tool?

8. The Anal Impaler

Is that like Vlad, but kinkier?

9. The Talking PussyWhip

Not sure if I like the idea of my sex toys talking back to me.  Down girl… Crack!

10. Vagina Vacuum and this strange gallery of far-out sex toys

v-vagina

And, I used to hate vacuuming!

What can I say?  I was bored.

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  1. see how i’m sleeping off my cold? see see? *sigh*

    for the record, the tentacle is (to quote always aroused girl) the most gloriously amazing dildo with which i have ever fucked myself silly.

    it might LOOK funny but it’s fantastic to fuck.

    🙂

  2. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for the comment! I’m always up for something new, even if it looks strange… Looks like it has a nice g-spot curve I’ll admit!

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