Deviant

I am a deviant. Everyday I contravene what is considered normal in my society by simply being who I am.

I am biologically female, I have female genitalia and breasts yet I never dress in clothes defined as ‘female’, no skirts or dresses or lingerie. I do not behave in ways which might be considered feminine and I am not good at traditionally female pursuits. I cook but not well, I don’t knit or sew and I sit with my legs open. Therefore I am a deviant.

I am gay. I have always loved, desired and had sex with other biological females. I do not find men attractive and I have no desire to have sex with them, although I generally get on well with them as friends. I share my life and my bed with a woman who is my wife despite what religion and law might say. Therefore I am a deviant.

I am butch and genderqueer. I alter the physical form of my body by binding my breasts, packing a facsimile of a cock in my boxers daily and using a strap on to fuck with. My behaviour, attitude and general outlook is more closely aligned with masculinity. I put my emotions in a box, I hate talking on the phone and I cannot multitask. Therefore I am a deviant.

I am kinky. I enjoy sex and intimacy which involves powerplay. I restrain my wife with rope or cuffs and use a variety of impact toys to inflict pain. I dominate and control our sex life, I use language which could easily be considered offensive. This excites me and turns me on, it is the most fulfilling sex I have ever had. Therefore I am a deviant.

All of these things are rejected as acceptable and normal behaviour to some degree by society. Often I am considered deviant within my own communities. Masculine women can be startling to other women, I cannot count the amount of times I have been stared at. Lots of men don’t like masculine women, it seems to threaten their own masculinity for some reason. Butch and other lesbians don’t always mix. Androgynous is fine but don’t go too far down the masculine road because that means you’re emulating heterosexuality, or worse a man. Being gay in the town of my birth could be risky at times, its large population still cling mainly to a very small town mentality. As far as being kinky goes that is not a part of my life which I discuss openly with many people. This is not because I am in anyway ashamed of my perversions but because sex itself is not a polite topic of conversation.

I don’t eat meat, I don’t like olives and I enjoy full strength latte’s. I smoke, I drink beer and I swear. I go to work every day, I don’t read enough and I can’t stand intolerance. I do not kill or steal or harm anyone. I love my wife and family. I am kind to children and animals (although I may shout at the cat when she tramples on my head at 3am). I don’t interfere with how others choose to live or demand they live in a different way. Therefore I am a deviant.

Deviance is alive and well throughout our society, someone, somewhere is always diverging from the ‘norm’. The rules are constantly being broken because so many of them are shit rules forced on us by ridiculous small minded attitudes. I would bet that each and everyone of us is a deviant in some way, even those who claim to be constantly abiding by societies norms. My deviance does not make me a worse human being it makes me a better one.

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2 Responses

  1. Senapati says:

    WOW, Holden, I love your blogs!! I love your wife blogs on FemmeisMyGender. I am a Femme. I am legally married to a butch JUST LIKE YOU. I love reading your thoughts and transposing them on my butch. I ask my butch often, is this how you feel?? Thank you for being real here and writing here. We live in the UK and are grateful for civil marriage. The law AND church allows is, embraces it as a matter of fact!!

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