Ask Tabby…. Choosing Daddy?

Hello Tabby, I hope you don’t mind me emailing you! I saw it on your Formspring and thought I should write to you via email as I really need help with a problem…

I’ve previously been in a daddy / babygirl relationship, and it was the happiest two years of my life. Unfortunately, he didn’t want me anymore and now I’m alone…I do currently have a relationship with a lovely man, but it just feels so wrong and strange not to have a daddy.

I really do think that this man would be a wonderful daddy. He’s had an incredibly vanilla sex life so far, and is reluctant to share fantasies with me. Except if we have gone to a party and he is a little drunk, he tells me he likes it when I ask him to be very forceful, and we also played babysitting in quite a subtle way. But sadly, the next morning he denies it and calls it wrong…I can tell deep down he’s obviously curious, and he has dominant traits, but due to his lack of experience I think he still has the ‘this is wrong’ mindset that a lot of people can have before they experience it properly.

I know it’s not a babygirl’s place to tell her master what to do, but I feel so strange pretending to be grown up. I know he wants to experiment, but is a little shy. I was wondering if you have any advice on how I can help him see that it is a perfectly normal thing to want, and not so seedy and perverted as he may think?

I feel like such a bad babygirl for choosing my daddy before he’s chosen me…But I feel like you’re experienced enough to know what’s best 🙂

I’m new to your blog and I love it so far! It’s great reading things I think myself. Sorry if I got your email wrong, or sent it to the wrong address…I am also not sure if you reply via email or if you post it on your blog, could you let me know?

Really looking forward to hearing from you, Bianca

Hello there, Bianca. Thank you so much for writing, and I hope that I will be able to offer you some guidance here. First, I want to take a minute to reassure you in the fact that choosing your Daddy before he has chosen you, does not make you a bad baby-girl. You know what you want and need… you know what truly makes you happy.. that is not something to feel badly about, and it does not make you any less of a baby-girl.

So now, how do we get this man to understand that the relationship dynamic that you need and desire, is not a bad one? That it is not wrong, or taboo. I myself, would start with some very open and honest communication. One thing I have learned with my whole life being surrounded by guys, from growing up being the only girl in the house, to most of my friends being males, to then marrying my best friend and having three boys of my own is this – Guys do not pick up on subtle hints. Guys do not pick up on the big hints, either. Sometimes, we just have to sit and spell it out for them.  If it were me, this is how I would approach this.

I would be waiting for him to arrive home from work or wherever, and I would be already in my baby girl mindset.. inside and out. Put your hair in pigtails if it’s long enough, if not, put in some cute little hair clips or bows. Add some cute little knee highs, and a cute skirt and shirt. Maybe be sucking on a lollipop, and holding your favorite stuffed animal. Once he arrives, make him comfortable. Serve him a drink, and remove his shoes. Get him relaxed. Then, I would ask nicely if you could sit on his lap and talk to him for a little while, that you have some things that you’d really like to share with him. Remember, guys are very visual – seeing you dressed this way, and acting this way will spark some of those memories from the nights that he was more open with you due to the alcohol lowering his inhibitions. You could also, have a picture waiting for him that you colored yourself and give it to him. By doing all of this, you are giving him a glimpse of what part of the dynamic would be like, to have it be that way, all the time.  Then, comes the communication. You could start by asking what he knows about this sort of dynamic. If he starts to talk about why he thinks it’s wrong, then carefully tell him what you know about it, without sounding like you are trying to correct him. If it helps, print up this post from my blog – What is a Daddy Dom, and simply let him read it. That alone, should open much discussion about how you both feel about it. There are also a ton of groups on Fetlife that were very helpful to me at the start, one being Daddy Doms and baby girls. You guys could also sit and read through discussions, find out what works for you both.

Hopefully, from there, the communication will start to flow about what you both want and need. You may be surprised to find that he’s had similar thoughts, but didn’t really know there was even a dynamic for what he sees and wants in his head. Daddy and I didn’t, and when we found out there were others like us, a huge light bulb came on for us both. If he seems to be ok with how the discussion is going, and you see his interest spark with it all, then go ahead and ask him.. simply and sweetly.. Will  you be my Daddy?

In the case that it doesn’t turn out for the  best, and this is something that he just cannot wrap his mind around, or cannot get over that feeling of it being ‘wrong’ after given the facts of it all, then I am afraid you then will have a very important decision to make. And that will be if there will be any compromise on what you both want and need.. and if there is not… can you handle letting go of your baby-girl side, and remain in the relationship how it is? A very hard decision that will be, and I hope with everything, that it is one that you will not have to make. But if you do, please know that I believe that the right Daddy for everyone is out there, and it is just a matter of finding him. Don’t give up.

I hope this helps some, and I wish you all the luck in the world. I would love to hear how things go, and if I can be here to offer you or him any support, or answer any questions that either of you may have, please feel free to write again and I will help all that I can.

Best of luck to you, tabby xo

Question for the readers: How did you get started in whatever dynamic you are in your own relationship? Did you approach it with your partner, or did they you? Or was it something you both went into knowing beforehand of what you both needed and wanted? Please share you story with us. xoxo

Have a question for me? You can comment here, anonymously if you’d prefer… You can reach me through formspring (please remember that formspring does have a text limit)..or you can email me at baby_tabby @ ymail.com (without the spaces). I look forward to hearing from you! 🙂

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1 Response

  1. Bianca says:

    Thank you so much, Tabby! I’ve come to realise that perhaps it is a little too soon in our relationship to start talking about different lifestyles…I did try some of your advice, but he feels like we are moving too fast.

    I will keep on reading this page over and over until I know it off by heart and he is ready to talk properly about becoming my daddy 🙂

    Bianca x

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