A Rant Before the Apocalypse
A Rant Before the Apocalypse
I’ve just spent five days in Arizona with my girlfriend. We’ve been visiting her friends and family.
On the drive back to Los Angeles, we spot one of those billboards. It says judgment day is coming. And it’s pretty specific about it. The date is pegged as Saturday, May 21st, 2011.
The billboard is also an advertisement for Family Radio – a listener-supported, Christian station founded by doomsday cultist, Harold Camping. According to TheStar.com, Camping originally “predicted the world would end on Sept. 6, 1994, but was forced to admit he might have been wrong when the skies failed to open and the earth didn’t swallow up sinners.”
We all make mistakes. So maybe it’s okay to give Camping a second chance. But dig a little further and things start to seem fishy. MercuryNews.com reports that Family Radio “has raised more than $100 million over the past seven years” and “owns 66 radio stations across the globe.”
Getting the word out is one thing. But a hundred-million-dollars is a lot to hold on to when you’re about to ascend into Heaven.
The day we drive back to LA is also marked by an update on CNN.com. It’s an article about testing practices in mainstream pornography and it features several quotes from both myself and fellow performer, Dylan Ryan.
I watch the updates on Twitter from my phone. The sex worker community shows nothing but support.
But then I arrive home and read the public response. The comments on CNN.com go a little bit like this:
“clown99 – How about the tried and true. Fidelity to your spouse you idiots.”
“KickButt – WOW… utterly disgusting. What a meaningless, lonely life. I’m sure when they are old they wont sit and smile as they think of all they ‘scored.’ I hope your parents are proud.”
And I’m back to reality. People still think we’re scum.
On the surface, my two observations have nothing in common. Apocalyptic billboards and moralist commentators are not tied together in any meaningful way. Except they both present an idea that family is something I can’t have, that my actions, my lifestyle – they’re contradictory to such a thing.
But I’ve just witnessed my girlfriend – a porn star- fly her mom, sister, and nephew out from Washington to celebrate her mother’s birthday. And I’ve watched her search for that perfect birthday gift.
I’ve seen her mother look at her with pride and accept her for who she is. And I’ve watched each of them hug each other and cherish the moments before they had to part.
During the same week, I received a phone call from my own mother. I heard the excitement in her voice upon receiving her belated mother’s day gift. I heard her tell me she loves me. And I said it back to her with the utmost sincerity.
My girlfriend and I – neither of us want to get married. We also don’t want kids. It’s not because we hate either one of them. It’s because we’ve found something else that works, or that’s getting us along for now.
It doesn’t mean that we don’t have family, or that we don’t want to form our own.
But for me, it sure as fuck means this:
I don’t ever want to be a part of something that tells people they’re disgusting. Or that takes their money and promises death.
If family values mean a lack of acceptance and the promotion of a financed Armageddon, then I guess I’ve missed the point.
When the world ends, I have no regrets.
I spent the day before it fucking two girls I’ve never met before and hanging out on set with friends. All of it was human interaction. And nobody got hurt. In fact, we had a pretty good time. In a way, I’d say we’re family.