During the past month I have reviewed seven weird, strange, bizarre, repulsive, offensive and blasphemous sex toys as part of an ongoing series on Weird Sex Toys. So here they all are together,listed from stranger to strangest, just in time for Halloween so you can freak your friend’s and lover’s out! Happy Masturbating!
|Number 7||The Alien Lover from Blowfish
The Alien Lover measures 6” in length and is almost 2” thick, so hardly threatening in size. She is a soft pearlescent white and made of excellent quality silicone, so is perfectly body-safe and non-porous. She features a gentle S-Curve and nice bulbous head, which makes her ideal for G-spot or P-spot stimulation. She has a flared base so can be used for anal play as well as used in a strap-on harness.
Her “face” consists of four small bumps and her back is ridged, both of which work to give added stimulation. Best of all, she glows in the dark, so she’s easy to find when the lights go out and you are ready to get down to some freaky alien solo or partnered sex. She feels absolutely amazing once her bulbous head pops inside, with the ridges rubbing against my G-spot. This Alien Lover is sure to get you squirting!
Read my full Alien Lover Review.
|The Obama Dildo from PopMyCherry Sex Toy Shop
You could say that Obama has balls, big balls indeed if his Head O State dildo is an indication. The Obama Dildo measures 6 ½ insertable inches and features a big head with smiling face that really resembles Obama, and a huge set of nuts. It is made of TPR or phthalate-free thermoplastic rubber which is also porous, unlike silicone, so using a condom on Obama’s big ole head is recommended.
The girth of this dildo is quite satisfying and that big head is great for G-spot stimulation. So, if you are looking to stick Obama where the sun don’t shine, this dildo will give you that pleasure.
Read my full Obama Dildo Review.
|Number 5||The Tentacle Dildo by Whipspider Rubberworks
The Tentacle Dildo is a “silicone insertable art-piece” that is magnificently hand-crafted with swirling iridescent aquatic colors of blues and greens like a shimmering surf. The dildo is curved, with detailed tentacle suckers for added stimulation. The sharp curve is perfect for reaching the G-spot and the silicone is nice and firm allowing for stiff, yet flexible penetration. The base is wide enough to use with a harness for strap-on play as well.
Best of all, the Tentacle is waterproof, so you can take it in the bath, pool, Jacuzzi or even the beach to live out your tentacle fetish, octopi-inspired dreams. Use only with water-based lubes or those compatible with silicone toys.
Read my full Tentacle Dildo Review.
|Number 4||The Incubus Dildo from PopMyCherry Sex Toy Shop
So you all know the mythical legends of the Incubus–demons who sexually prey on women in their sleep. Well, let me tell you if this thing attacked you in the middle of the night, you’d wake up. It is huge! Measuring 8”, with a circumference of 7 ½” this dildo is a Beast.
The Incubus is intricately carved featuring deep ridges and whorls all around the shaft and at the base a very Gigerish carved head. These ridges and whorls add quite a bit of “extra” sensation (as if the girth weren’t enough). The base is self-standing so can be conveniently planted on the nearest chair while you impale yourself upon it. Use plenty of lube, and after the initial shock, you may just enjoy it. It didn’t take long before I was writhing in painful ecstasy and gushing a stream of girl-cum. This dildo is one serious monster-fucker!
Read my full Incubus Dildo Review
|Number 3||The Jackhammer Jesus from Divine InterventionsThe Jackhammer Jesus is lustrous (marbled) with metallic swirls of varying shades of deep purple. It has an insertable length of 7 1/2″, with a 1 3/4 diameter, so plenty of length and girth to satisfy most debauched perverts, even Mary Magdalene. The dildo is Jesus on the cross undergoing his “passion”. At the bottom of the cross, the dildo has a bulbous penis-shaped head and on the back, rippled folds. Both of these are designed for increased pleasure and they do deliver.
Jesus feels awesome once inserted and that bulbous head is also great for G-spot stimulation as well. I have to admit, during my passionate encounter with this dildo I got a bit carried away. I was overcome by the “spirit” of Linda Blair and as I slammed the crucifix into me I began shouting out “Fuck me Jesus, fuck me Jesus!” As I reached orgasm I thought my head was going to start to swivel around and that I might start levitating off the bed! Seriously though? This dildo is as practical as it is blasphemous.
Read my full Jackhammer Jesus Review
|Number 2||The Dragon’s Tongue by Bad DragonAll Bad Dragon toys are made from “high quality, platinum-cure silicone, and is certified by [their] manufacturer for use in contact with the human body.” Their products are available in a range of firmness from “a super squishy and soft, to a very firm, hard toy.” Color choices are just about anything you can imagine from solid, to split toy color and fades. Some toys also have the added bonus of a suction cup base (like the Dragon’s Tongue) so you can mount it to a wall or chair for hands-free solo fun. These are excellent quality sex toys that are whimsically designed by skilled crafts people with attention to detail.
Read my full Dragon’s Tongue Dildo Review.
|Number 1||The Timber Wolf Dildo by Zeta Paws
The Timber Wolf Dildo is made of high quality silicone, and consists of a red shaft and head (very life-like) with a black base. You can order your dildo in various degrees of firmness from soft, medium and hard. The phallus is quite realistic from the uncircumcised head, to the bulging ball sac, and everything in between including intricately carved veins and textured skin. The Timber Wolf Dildo is superbly designed for both aesthetic poise and practical use.
The head and shaft can be inserted 4 ½” before it widens at the bulge which makes you feel quite full. The silicone is quite soft and lifelike, making it even creepier! It features a stand-up suction-cup base, so you can suction it to the wall for real doggie-style sex and enjoy hands-free penetration. Bow-Wow, baby!
Read my full Timber Wolf Dildo Review
So that’s the scoop on the Weirdest of the Weird Sex Toys you can check out. Get one for yourself, or for your lover! They all make great sex toys and are cool collectibles as well.
Thank you to all the sex toys shops and manufacturers who sent me these bizarre sex toys to review. It was a strangely orgasmic and enlightening experience!